with everything

My farmer is out tracking down chickens while I am elbow deep in flour, standing in the kitchen.  He has worked hard to get the project together and now that we are ready, we can't seem to find quota anywhere.  And I am reminded as I stand in my apron peering through the window watching the herd of cows faithfully walk by, that our God is good.  All the time.  We are on the third recipe of donuts.  I'll be lucky if I get the smell of cooking oil out of my hair and clothes after today.  My arms are sore and neck hurts as I creep up the stairs to put the dough in the sun to rise.  I feel like staying out on the balcony and hiding out for a couple hours.  Just for a second I close my eyes and soak up the warmth and thank God for this moment of silence.  The truth is I feel like I suck a lot of days.  I quietly mumble prayers as I go about my day.."if I trip over one more pair of shoes, God please help me not lose my cool..is it that hard to put them on the shelf?"  Some days it's hard to see the fruits of our labour.  With the news of war, oppression, outbreaks ( and for my fellow Canadians) the weather, life is just plain complicated and hard.  Nestled in the mountains of Guatemala, I have my own battles.  Everything that comes with parenting, coaching young women to be independent and develop skills that can carry them and putting our hearts at risk over and over as we foster, requires me putting on God's armour daily.  With everything God, with everything, help me love the way you love me.  

After our first child was born I never thought I could love another baby as much until the second came and later the third.  For some reason I never felt our family was complete. This journey we have been on with fostering has been challenging in every respect.  People often ask me how we manage it all.  It's tough most days but the small acts and baby steps in growing relationships are worth every heartache and sleepless night.

In January, we welcomed Irma into the transition program and into our home.  Sharing a bunk with Mercedes, is the closest she has come to having her own bed.  Irma slept with her sisters in a bed to keep warm in the cold night air.  She came from little with little.  In the first few days of her moving in we had a sponsor to support her through her education.  God provides!  I am teaching and coaching her as she develops necessary skills to develop her dream business of one day owning her own bakery.  There is so much to learn in even how to help.  Sometimes helping just plain hurts.  Sometimes I get ahead of myself and actually can do more harm than help.  I was out walking with Irma one day talking about our very different backgrounds and realized that she was experiencing a degree of culture shock even with moving in with us.  Realizing the added stress of even a simple move from a mountain village into the town of Jalapa was overwhelming Irma and she needed a lot of coaching and direction.  It is such a privilege for us to walk along side her.  Sometimes it just takes that very simple act of walking with someone.  I know I wouldn't be where I am today if someone didn't take a chance, give me a second chance or walk beside me.  It didn't take long for Irma to fit in.  She is still adjusting to our cooking and choice of foods.  I have quickly earned the title of mom and she (even at the age of 21) just wants that mothers love.

I can get lost in my thoughts. I wish Lord they weren't over the pressing things to do.  I wish they would always be pure, I wish they would always seek you first.  I hear my name.  I hear mom ringing out from four different voices.  All of them needing something.  How often do I call upon your name when I am in need of something.  I hear my farmers' voice calling me among the children.  My heart flutters when I hear him.  " No chickens", he says.  But we know God is faithful and so we ask with everything and wait.