Saturday, May 31, 2014

lost and found

You call me out upon the waters.......where the waters are deep, dark and unknown.  I gaze down at my reflection and see your face precious Jesus.  I see your arm outstretched toward me, wanting for me to reach out to grab your hold.  This past week I grabbed tighter than ever to my Saviours hand as I looked into the eyes of the enemy and seen darkness in a soul.  An emptiness that was so vast and haunting.
Matt and I made national news in Guatemala last week over the story of a young "Canadian" woman who was attacked and almost lynched in a nearby mountainous village.  Knowing we are Canadian, we were called into the police station to act as a support for this terrified girl.   Trying to decipher if the behaviour we saw was post traumatic stress or mental illness, we stood and silently prayed before agreeing to take this girl home for the night.   A police officer was to be stationed in our house for the following 24 hours for protection for this girl.   It was very apparent soon after we returned home that something was not adding up and the story was changing... quickly.  I was starting to feel like the protection was needed for my family. As she walked around my house, muttering words and chants, I followed not too far behind praying for God to fill every part of our home and protect us.  I don't know who the police officer thought was more crazy. I sat in the garage to talk and wasn't getting very far.  I asked what she was running from.  It was in that moment I stared into the darkest eyes, an emptiness I have never seen.  Matt started doing a little of his own investigation as we clearly were confused with the information given.  In a matter of four hours, we discovered this was not a Canadian but a missing person report had been filed from Oregon last August. A troubled young girl who had a series of encounters with police in various states.   Caught and shrieking in panic she was held in our front gate area which made for a make shift jail.  I prayed for her. I prayed that that only God would set her free. That she may have been lost but there is a chance to be found in Christ.  Last saturday  I stood confidently and fearlessly in my kitchen and told the enemy there was no room in our house, in our mission, in our lives for him.  And  in that moment I felt the most beautiful presence of my Saviour.  I knew He had a hold of my hand.  He is bringing my faith to new levels.  As the water may seem too deep, too dark and unknown, I know to keep looking up to his arms.



Monday, May 19, 2014

Do you ever wonder if you are doing the right thing?

Mercedes teaching the toddlers
at the safe house a new game.
When we first got started on this whole missionary life back in 2009, we have often struggled with where we need to be.  So many opportunities come our way each day, many of which are small with no lasting impact but on the rare occasion we face big ones.  For Mandy and I, coming to Guatemala was a three year process in which we fought about where our purpose was in God's plan for us and our children.  Through lots of prayer and discernment, we feel that we are supposed to be here and working with these awesome yet unwanted children.

 I personally struggle  playing my own devil's advocate.  Unquestionably, I feel that working in Guatemala is our calling but what that work entails is not always so clear.  Many days I pray to be productive or to find the right combination of 'works' to 'relationship'.  What provides a better eternal impact?  Giving to those in need? Being with those in need? Both?

Taking on five girls full time in our home has
presented some challenges (to say the least).
How does someone wade through all of the problems in the world and find one that they need to "fix" when so many problems are presented?  For example, the children at the safe house need decent food, shelter, water, and a spiritual education.  All of which we have been providing.  However, some are learning English in school and need some support, babies need to be given more attention, some kids have speech therapy appointments, others want to learn how to craft, all of them need to get exercise and time out of the house, they need spiritual mentors, etc.  Realistically I know we can't be all things to all people.  Mandy and I are pulled in different directions to do what is 'best' for our family.  Admittedly, we have made many mistakes and have questioned ourselves in the decision making process.

My parents with Gabe and Mercedes ready
to do some trick or treating.
To answer the blog title, I do not always think we are doing the right thing, but we do strive to do the best at what we can.  I remember a conversation with my parents a couple years back while we were getting ready to go out for Halloween.  Mom and Dad made a decision when I was about nine years old to stop going out for Halloween.  Talk about torture, watching your friends enjoy the evening of collecting candy while we went to the mall to avoid the costumed kids knocking at our door.  However, 24 years later my parents got dressed up at my house with my kids and went out to enjoy the evening of collecting treats.  During that night, I jabbed at my parents that they had denied me a right of passage as a kid and here they are celebrating the holiday with my own.  To which my Dad replied quickly and confidently that they were wrong and at times parents make mistakes.  Nothing more than that.  For me, my Dad demonstrated a lot of grace.  He was not going beat himself up but stated where his decision wasn't the best and moved on.

I am thankful for the example my parents provided for me.  With the various projects that we have completed here and the people that we have interacted with, we struggle to always see the benefit we hope to create.  Where we need to be gracious with ourselves,  is that our hearts are always in the best interest of those we work with.  Continue to pray for us and those we work with as we desire to make positive and eternal change by doing the right thing.