Rags to Riches

The last few days I have been listening to a series by Craig Groeschel entitled “Perspective”.  I can only think about how timely this is.  There's a place I like to go running.  Along this route, I pass by a shack.  One that looks very familiar to me .  One of many I passed by in Guatemala.  I run this route from time to time to not only remind myself  of the reality for many in developing countries, but to remember that what I have or lack of  for many others does not define who we are.  Our culture has this messed up perspective of what is important.  Sure a job pays the bills, we like our homes comfortable, we like things... but if we flip to Philippians and read about Paul's perspective on life.  : "For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain."  How many of us can take a honest look at our lives and say the same.  I know it's a huge struggle for myself. To be that completely content and filled with joy that the world will never give. Running

  this afternoon on an empty grumbling stomach, while anticipating my 1 1/2 cups of beans and rice for dinner, I can't help but think of the faces I met.  The men, women, and children that work the fields, walk kilometer after kilometer for water and going to school. Participating in this "fast for change" this week is a great discipline....

puts things into perspective....


http://www.lifechurch.tv/watch/perspective/2

Martha or Mary?

I'm a bit of a sucker for romance. You know that fluttery feeling that you get when you watch a great movie, or hear a great song. I get that everytime I see my husband. Whether he is walking into the room or I turn to see him down the next aisle in a store. He just makes me smile and lightens up my life. He has taught me so much on love and selflessness and modelled exceptional leadership skills to our children. As I am writing, he is finishing strong and faithful at our projects this year.

It is a strange feeling coming back leaving behind my better half. I feel like I am missing my right arm some days. Yet despite it all, I can only give our Lord complete and total glory as He has helped us stumble our way through this year. It is only through Him that I had the strength to face each day. Over and over this year I was reminded of the story of Martha and Mary. Luke chapter ten depicts a beautiful reminder of the value Christ puts in relationship. As busy as some days were, and as many “projects” we busied ourselves with, Jesus was calling us to be still and invest in eternal affairs. Loving on His children and sharing life together. At the end of it all, when it was time for me to leave, the girls put on a slide show in recognition of our year. Not one picture was about “projects”. As the tears streamed my cheeks, picture after picture captured all the big and small moments of love and friendship we shared over the year. I wish I could say that it was easy and that I always had an abundance of love to give. Some days were tiring and hard. Funny thing when we invest in our relationship with Christ, He gives us exaclty what we need to pour into the lives of others. Now it is just being disciplined enough to put God first. Sounds silly, doesn't it? For those of you who are christians, it seems obvious. But the distractions and pace of life dictate our fellowship and God gets our last fruits instead of our very best and first.

I hit the ground running, coming home with 3 kids, 2 dogs and a house that is calling out to be unpacked. I am reminded very quickly of the busyness of our culture in the short conversations I have had with various people. But I learned something this year. I learned how to relax, and just be. The Lord picked up my chin and said look around. Stop. Breathe. Take it all in. You are missing out by running around being busy. Coming from a “Martha” attitude, I am learning to be more of a “Mary”. Watching my husband this past year, has taught me much on this.

We are in a time of transition. A time of shutting down to start up here in Canada. Matt is going back to teach at a new location, and I am returning to work. I have been bombarded with questions, that I guess in some ways I'm not ready for. I don't have answers.... at all.  I cringe inside when people assume that this is it and we won't go back. That we wrapped up those years in a box and are just putting them on a shelf. It's not some photo album that will be put away to collect dust. It has become a part of who we are. Whether its forever, only God knows but we do know that missions is something important to our family. Trust me when I say I am scared to death at times. Wondering what else God has up His sleeve. Yet I can rest comfortably knowing that when He calls, He provides. Just the other day I was talking with our oldest son and asked him what he would like to do someday. He confidently told me...”mom, I want to be a missionary”. Even if it is God using this time now to do greater things down the road. Praise God! All I do know is that this is just the beginning to something much bigger than Matt or I.  

Wrapping Up

These past few weeks since we wrote last have been a roller coaster to say the least.  Moving out of our home of ten months in Jalapa, confronting our neighbour/cleaning lady about the theft of about $800 of items (more in particular the back up drive of our computers), saying goodbye to friends and business relationships, closing off projects, researching for future projects, and watching our family split and live apart for a short time to get our lives straightened in Guatemala and Canada.  However, the mission is far from over.

Working with Eddie
to fix up Casa Hogar

Working with the girls to build
community in Los Pinos.

What makes things difficult is seeing the emotional impact that has been made in through our service here.  Watching people like Eddie's family tear up when they think about us leaving  for the long term.  How the girls at Casa Hogar miss the contact of my kids and Mandy and appear heavy hearted.  Francisca (the oldest of our 'adopted' daughters) crying at the mention of the airport.  Seeing my children break into sobs as we pulled away from Casa Hogar for the last time as a complete family unit.

Max and his 'hermana' Darlin

Celebrating our cultures.

Transition is not always an easy thing.  I do look forward to coming back to Canada and live in my home culture close to family, friends and safe community.  There is satisfaction in the thought of working in an environment where I can express myself intelligently and have rich conversations with anybody that is willing to spend the time to do so. Not feeling condemned looks for my appearance, choice of faith practice or assumed wealth that I possess.  However, through this all my heart still burns for a group of people that need a beacon of hope in the name of God to walk with them.

Learning new skills
and having time to play.

Faith is strong here in Guatemala and admittedly our mission is not an evangelical one, but it is one of hope, love and trust.  Guatemalans have taught me to be more faithful in God because in many cases what else do you have other than your faith.  They also have taught me that community and relationship are critically important in getting by and making something of ourselves.
My prayer today is to continue to have strength in getting the message out about the needs in Guatemala and to have my community back in Canada walk patiently in faith that an impact can be made in serving the poor and neglected in the name of Christ. With a deep love to serve as Christ served, Amen.

Partnering with other missionaries
to help those in need.

Growing Pains

I can feel my heart breaking a little more and more each day.  It was just over a week ago I was sitting on our roof with Matt, sharing frustrations, doubts and fears and now I find myself in that very same spot on the roof expressing gratitude, joy and peace.   My emotions are a little whacked these days.  Just the other day, one of the girls in my swimming class excitedly called me mommy by accident.  Two little girls squealed in delight as they splashed about in the make shift bath this afternoon.  When I told them it was time to leave, they didn't want to go.  Heart break.  I spent some time talking with a new girl at Casa Hogar the other day.  She is 18 and there because her family tried to murder her.  She has a 3 year old boy and is unsure if her grandfather or cousin is the father.  Story after story brakes my heart in two.
When I was about 12 years old, often at night when I was laying in bed I would get these shooting pains down the back of my legs.  My mom confidently told me they were just growing pains.  I thought that if this is what it feels like, I don't want to grow up.  They hurt and were very uncomfortable.   This whole year I have experienced many growing pains.  Times of heart ache and times of feeling very uncomfortable.  I have been asked to do things I know I am not good at nor enjoy.  Some days feel very mundane, while others feel exciting and are jam packed with learning.

 It's crazy how time slips away and we spend so much of it preparing for the next thing.  I have spent much of this year just being. Something that doesn't come easily and without a lot of practice.  God has called us to be in relationship with Him first and that love He pours into our lives will pour into the lives of others.  As much as it will be hard to leave this place for now, I know that the growing pains I have felt, have only made my life richer.

getting ready to celebrate Darlin's 15th B-day

Painting nails with girls after swimming lessons

Busy and Loving It!!!!

I have to admit I was embarrassed to see that we haven't posted in a while.  However, any feeling of guilt has been drowned out by the fact of pure excitement of our current progress.  Since our last post we have been getting the last of our projects started and summed up before coming back to Canada.  This has been a bitter-sweet feeling knowing that we are going back to our cultural home, biological families, familiar church community and friends, in lieu of being with many new friends and adoptive family that have many different felt needs that many of us don't struggle with back in Canada.  However, I will digress a bit, more because I don't want to get my keyboard wet with tears, and focus on some of the ways that your support has been helping the mission here in Los Pinos.

And the teacher said 'Let there
be less light, so my students can
learn.'

To start we have been working with a group from the United States that has been paying for an English teacher at Casa Hogar that we found for this group.  We lent the video projector that was given to us by a friend back in St. Kitts to use for the class.  Unfortunately, the projector was not strong enough to project an image in a lit room.  This brought on the curtain project, where our wonderful girl Francisca went to task and sewed together the curtains and as of today, the curtains will be up in two classrooms for the English teacher, computer teacher, and any other group that comes to make presentations (and let's not forget movie days on the weekend --- fun!).

Eddie's new home.  Great perspective of his current home (the tin
hut) in the background to the home he will move into in August.

While this was going on we started building Eddie's house.  (If you didn't see Eddie's living conditions before you can check it out at this link: Eddie's House Tour ) The past couple of weeks we have dug out the foundation and started to make the rebar columns.  Today the cement is being made and poured into the footings.  Our goal is to have the house finished before Mandy and the kids leave.  The house will consist of two bedrooms a large living/dining room, a shower, toilet and the capacity to build a second floor for future expansion (if needed).  So invigorating to drive by the construction on the way to Casa Hogar and see the changes everyday!

Hoping to see this image at Casa Hogar in a year's time.

In the meantime as well we have been digging holes in a vacant field at Casa Hogar getting it ready for banana trees.  The plans allow for 180+ trees in the area with each tree having the potential of producing 200+ lbs of bananas.  It has been fun watching the backhoe prep the land, the labourers digging holes, and the people from Los Pinos bring in organic soil on horseback in getting this project done.  The project hopefully will be done in another two weeks and in a years time having bananas ready to be harvested.

Eddie with his extension cord.
I think it is time for some new ends

Aside from these bigger projects, we are still plugging away at hygiene protocols and creating health histories for the girls, fixing up the salon classroom for Mandy, working on improving the internet capacity for the computer lab at Casa Hogar, cleaning up storage spaces, and getting supplies together to help Eddie better maintain Casa Hogar.

All in all it has been amazing to see the generosity of people pour out and get involved with the projects that we are pulling together.  God has been an incredible strength through this process and saying goodbye will be a difficult thing to do as we return home.  Yeah that line did it for me, now I'm crying. It is not the sadness of the situation but of the abundant joy that God provides in getting the glimpse of what He desires for us to do to fulfill His purpose.....to love your neighbour as yourself.  I praise God for this time and sincerely thank-you for believing in this mission.

Yours in Christ,




Matt

Thinking of you.

Miracles in Plain Sight

Bananas starting to emerge in our garden.

      I personally struggle in my faith walk as to why it seems all so magical in the bible. Why is it that the miracles Jesus performed and the amazing actions of God in the Old Testament are things I have never witnessed in my life?  Frustrations mount when I hold these expectations for God to answer my prayers in an instant, or desire to see the change through our work at Casa Hogar but things stay the same.  However, we could be, and more often than not are missing something that God wants us to see.
     When I was looking at our banana trees this morning it is amazing to witness the miracle of the provision of food starting to emerge from the central stalk.  My science mind boggles at the idea of how God designed a plant to absorb carbon dioxide, sunlight, water, and minerals from the soil to construct a beautiful shade baring plant that in turn provides food.  The complexity of the process is miraculous in itself but can often be ignored due to its common place in our life.

10 000+ bottles = miracle

     Recently a former student of mine carried out a task that surprised all of us in the community that knows him.  Not being the strongest in academics I think most of us would cast him off as being more of a follower under the guidance of someone with a stronger academic skill set.  However, he managed to prove that heart, belief, and faith are more powerful than the ability to get high marks.  His efforts and determination managed to collect enough beer and wine bottles to raise over $1000.  I can't imagine being a pre-teen and pulling off this through my own drives and to be selfless to give away that much money.  To miss the idea that he and many other stories like his of 'underdogs' coming through to prove that they are made more unique with skills that have been gifted to them would be denying the thought that miracles happen.


    Even thinking back to our first trip to Guatemala, my wife and I had debated for years about adopting.  I was a firm no, being happy with our three kids.  What I didn't realize is that when I was thirteen years old the first of my children was being born thousands of kilometres away and being cultivated to fit into my heart.  Francisca and her three sisters definitely are a part of our family and to experience a deep change in my heart when we met these girls is miraculous.

A complete family photo.

     What I firmly believe is that God requires us to see Him in all that we do and to be aware of the miracles that surround us.  How grand the miracle is more of a perception.  God is working and if we fail to see that we miss our opportunity to see God.

What's not to like?

Gettting to know people.

Small farm in the yard.

It is funny for us when we say that we are living in Guatemala and how many people back home wince  at the idea of it.  However, there is so much that is awesome down here that it seems to me that we are getting more of the benefit of living here than what people can imagine.

What I like about living in Guatemala is that:

Crowding around a small TV
 to watch the World Cup

-you can buy items directly from the truck and cut out the middle man
-the climate is permanently spring and summer
-a 500mL bottle of name brand pop is 65 cents and no name is 40 cents at the corner store
-they deliver water bottles and propane tanks to your door and take away the empties
-you can have a small farm in your backyard in the city
-despite how small the prisons are you are able to interact with people walking by in the street to keep a sense of what is going on in the world and socialize with people outside of the prison walls
-car insurance is only $140 a year
-cell phones are cheaper and more reliable than a landline
-taking a taxi across town is only 32 cents

Campfire in the driveway,
followed by fireworks.

-fresh fruit and vegetables are always in season and you can load up for the week for your family for about $13
-people value the relationship more than the business
-even though people are poor they band together to try and help one another out of their poverty
-resourcefulness carries you far and little is wasted
-biological processes and fluids within animals are not completely gross but a part of life and not feared and pointed and gawked at strangely
-people understand that personal space is not necessary in the short run while trying to travel
-going to the gas station means that they will check your tire pressure and wash your windows as well
-the market is every day of the week and loaded with new items every visit

Clowning around.

-there is a corner store at every corner (and in between too) where you can get all of your basics
-bakeries are all over the place and give a pleasant odour to the air
-rent for a beautiful four bedroom home is $300 a month
-people that lived in the United States want to speak English with you
-you can walk up to someone's house and buy fresh hot tortillas for 4 cents each
-when you go to leave people stop what they are doing and make sure they give a hug and/or kiss followed by a blessing
-the expectation for an house party or get together is very casual and everyone in attendance contributes  with food and bringing their own seat

Getting ready to do traditional dance.

-when someone passes away they close off the street to let the family and friends mourn in silence
-your car horn is a communication device in the positive regard to show gratitude or that you are passing by
-kids go to school in uniform
-a section of the police department only monitors the highways not to only enforce traffic laws but more to serve those citizens that break down at the side of the road to keep all drivers safe
-they have fireworks to celebrate every occasion and it doesn't matter what time of the day it is
-there is no hot water tank but heated on demand with little waste heat
-entertainment is found in being with people and seeing their talents

Taxi or horse?
The horse might get you
there in these roads.

and most of all.

I like Guatemala because it gives our family the opportunity to do His work through the support of our network of friends back in Canada and the United States for the benefit of the the girls that we love so dearly.

Getting tortillas from the neighbours.

missionary..what does that mean to you?

Every now and then, I read a really inspirational book, watch a revolutionary film, listen to a innovative speaker (on TED talks) or listen to a spiritually rich message.  I feel overwhelmed with concepts; the power that words can hold.  It can grip us and stir up emotions. Sometimes they are feelings of hope joy, love; sometimes anger, despair and sadness. I often come away feeling fired up to see change, and wanting to make a difference.  But how often do those thoughts last only moments before we either feel overwhelmed and unaware of where to start, or just too busy to really care.  I find I'm "pinching" myself these days.  I have been called to an exceptional ride to say the least.  I have felt honoured and humbled by this role of a missionary.  I would never have dreamt this in a million years.  To hear someone refer to me as a missionary sounds absurd.  My proud momma introduced me as her daughter the missionary to everyone on the street last week while I was in town visiting.  I felt a little embarrassed, not at the joy and excitement that poured out of my mothers conversations, but more out of  a sense of inadequacy.

I intended on sitting down before my trip back home to write and catch up.  Unfortunately, time got away on me and I before I knew it, I was on a plane back to Canada.  During the last couple weeks away, I feel like I have had some time to process things and again see the work of our great and awesome God.  Things I want to share with you.  The time spent back home was a time of filling up,  being loved and cared for by family and friends.  I learned again some things about myself from being here in Guatemala.  Things I want to continue and pursue when I do go back.  I often get asked, "What is it that you have learned the most?"  For me this is a loaded question.  I have learned a lot to say the least. I have learned how people come together and care, I have learned that a 2pm meeting is more like a 3pm start, I have learned that there are many layers to helping and it isn't as simple as one may think, I have learned to get over my fear of cockroaches and lice, I have learned that I actually love writing, I have learned that I was living WAY to selfishly in Canada, and most of all I have learned that God wants us to be in relationship with Him and when we are willing, He wants to show us great and mighty things.  I can't help but get a little emotional as I am sitting here blogging away.  The idea of even venturing out on this path seemed daunting a year and a half ago.  It seemed scary and impossible.  I remember the beginning days here and how dark they felt.  We were, and still are trying to find our way in ministry.  

I teach a bible class to a group of teenage girls once a week.  I handed out spanish new testament bibles and a work book.  The very first class I asked the girls if they had ever owned a bible. No hands went up. I had a hunch what the answer would be to my second question.  "Do you ever read the bible?"  Again no hands went up.  I explained to them that the Word is like food to our bodies.  If we want to grow, we need to study.    In class yesterday, one of the questions talked about opposition we face when we tell non christians about Christ.  I explained that when we share  God's Word with others we are planting seeds in the hearts of those who will hear.  Sometimes we may never see that seed grow, mature and bare fruit but our job in planting that seed is crucial.  The rest is up to God.  It is His work He does in us and through us.  Nothing is by accident.  Last night, God affirmed this in the book I am reading, "Follow me to Freedom".  (It's a book co-written by John Perkins and Shane Claiborne)  I need to share this with you.  John explains, " When God blesses, the blessing is not stagnant: it moves and multiplies.  The idea is to plant a seed, then water it and grow it-and then give it to the next generation.  The blessing is not for one person (it is not just for you or me alone).  Rather, it was given to Abraham and is now given to us so that we might be a blessing to others. That's the real purpose of ministry."  I dug around in the book of Genesis for a bit this morning.  Just thinking about the story of Abraham and the promises God spoke of.  Promises of something better, something more.....blessings.   How often do we hold on to things so tightly and don't want to let go.  What are you willing to forego, deny or give up to experience the promises and blessings God has for your life? 

Coming back to the idea of a missionary.  We know there are people that donate items, finances, support, and prayer for different ministries.  But did you know, when you plant seeds and share God and His word with people, (even in your own community) you ARE a missionary?  God spoke these words to me a couple years ago. I keep them tucked away and find myself repeating them more often than not.  He said, Mandy, do the best you can, with what you have. And so I want to be the best that God intended for me to be.

critters

I love the outdoors.  Every chance I get, I am out enjoying creation, however I am not a fan of critters.  As my definition goes, a critter is any insect, snake, lizard, frog and the list goes on and on .... I think you get the point.  Tonight I did the routinely drive,  picking up a group of girls from school in Jalalpa and driving them back to the orphanage.  Matt usually makes this trek in the dark but is fighting a flu.  The roads were swampy to say the least.  Rainy season has hit and the roads prove it.  I feared stepping out of the truck to close the gate behind me as I left the orphanage.  Not knowing where I was stepping on this pitch black, rainy night in my flip flops kind of freaked me out.  I must admit, I feel like a bit of a failure in my boys' eyes.  In the past I have said no to snakes, frogs, geckos and other critters for pets.  I must clarify, the snake was a find in the neighbours backyard in Canada.  However, today I feel like a hero.  I came home with a surprise that won Gabe's heart and mine with his response.  Apparently I am "the best mom in the whole world".  Just sayin:)  I almost squealed as it's head poked out while trying to pick it up.  Our new backyard guest.....a tortuga (turtle)!

Alternative Realities

My 'coworkers' for the morning shovelling stone to
be used in the cement foundation of the new storage house.

The past couple of weeks have been crazy here in Jalapa.  However through the fog of all of the work and activity a few moments stood out.
This past Friday I went to Casa Hogar to help with collecting river rocks for the new driveway and to buy some school supplies for some of the girls.  However plans changed (surprise surprise) and I ended up having to haul loads of sand, stone and cinder block to the construction site of the new storage house that is being funded by a group from Spain.  I was partnered with two boys as my helpers for the morning.  After a bit of grunt labour, conversation started to pick up and I found out that the boys were 14 years old and had been working in construction full-time for the last two years.
When I asked about school, they stated that they complete weekend courses to keep up with their peers.  Looking at these two boys, who are a bit smaller than the average 14 year old boy in Canada,  I was amazed.  From our experience here boys don't work like this unless they need to support their family.  It was difficult for me to comprehend how at the age of 12 they stopped living like a 'normal' child and took on more of a role of a man.
These experiences make it hard for me to return to the comforts of Canada because this kind of story is exactly what it is 'foreign'.  It is not to say that these boys were pathetic in appearance, malnourished, being abused, or not receiving an education.  It just seems far from fair when we compare the standards and expectations for our children in North America to those children who live 2000 kilometres south of us.
I don't think that a child working a job is bad thing (depending on the duration and type of labour).  However, when the expectation is to be the provider for your family and forego elements of your youth to earn less than $7 a day, this is a reality I will try to but never understand.

This picture does no justice but while driving by with my young
co-workers I snapped off a photo of Eddie's house while some of
the women from the community lingered from the new cooking lesson.

The other moment was watching a group of women from Los Pinos collect at Eddie's house to learn how to prepare different foods that are more nutritious for their children.  Once a month this so called gourmet group collects at a different home in Los Pinos where the woman of the house instructs the others on how to cook the new meal or snack.  Food resources are limited, you have to bring your own plate or bag to carry out the new creation, it has to be cooked over an open flame or wood stove, and since many of the women in the village are at the party you bring your kids as well.  Great to see the community connect this way and have the opportunity to be creative with one-another.  Reminded me of my wife's gourmet group back in Canada, but this focussed on the practical production of nutritious foods at a low cost for children.

Feliz Dia del Madre

the moms of Casa Hogar

Even "Gordito" got in on the action

love it when the nuns sing

 For many people, Mother's Day is a special day but in Guatemala it's a big deal.  It all started this morning  when I woke Gabe up for school. Unlike any other morning when I have to peel him out of bed, he jumped up and asked if he could walk to the corner store.  I suggested Matt go with him as I didn't think it was good idea he walk by himself at 6:30am.  I watched as he secretly gathered materials for making me a card at school.  What Gabe didn't know is that Mother's Day actually falls on Thursday of this week. I didn't want to burst his bubble.   Casa Hogar handed out personal invites yesterday to all the moms to meet in the courtyard of the orphanage for 10:30 am this morning.  Maybe this is where he got the idea that today was the big day.  I showed up and was ushered in through a lineup of hugs, warm wishes and of course firecrackers.  For those of you who have been to Guatemala, you know exactly what I am talking about.  It was so special to see all the young mothers of the house being honoured at the front.  I watch these young moms some at the age of 13 caring for their babies, and can't imagine the weight they carry.  Even though it's kids raising kids,  there is no one like mommy.  The girls wear the exact same uniform and  yet their little ones can pick them out of a crowd of girls.  So sweet!  We were entertained with songs, dancing, skits and speeches while we enjoyed a new cookie recipe I taught the nuns the day before.  My heart melted!  To top it off, when I got home  I was greeted at our front gate by Gabe, who proudly handed over a pink envelope that he fashioned.  I sat and opened it and out fell a half eaten chocolate bar and card.  Apparently the chocolate bar broke in half and someone got hungry while making the card.  I laughed and cried ...yes I did the laugh/cry.  

Providence or Coincidence?

Providence is defined as a manifestation of divine care or direction.  Coincidence is defined as a striking occurrence of two or more events at one time apparently by by mere chance.  There have been so many times while here that we have felt the Lord's protection and leading.  I like to think that everything happens for a reason.  Yes, there are some things that just happen, but you know the kind of things that line up perfectly, almost like it was set up for you.  Sometimes it's after the fact that you realize it, and sometimes it's in the moment.  Today was one of those "in the moment"  for Matt and I.

Saturdays have become more of a catch up day for us as a family.  This morning Matt ran loads of wood back and forth to Casa Hogar, while the kids and I chilled at home.  Besides all the laundry and cleaning, we made time for some fun. Gabe loves to draw and I love seeing his creativity come out in his artwork.  Mercedes  had a chance to skype with her best friend Emma and "played school" on the white board.  Max busied himself taking care of the chickens and playing on the computer.   Our guest room became vacant this past week, and so after promising Max, we moved his room over.  This was a big deal for him as he has never had his own room.  He spent a good part of the day setting things up just the way he wanted. I remember when I first got my own room.  I was 16 years old.  As much as it was exciting to have my own space, I missed looking over at my sweet little sister sound asleep as I drifted off to sleep.

As we were getting ready to do our routine Saturday market run, we had company at our gate.  I just love drop in visitors.  We welcomed Mother Claudia and one of the assisting nuns from Casa Hogar in for a refreshing drink on this blistering hot day.  I haven't had much one on one time with Mother Claudia and it was great to connect without constant interruptions.  Matt and I both feel that it takes a lot of time and patience to build and encourage these relationships. We are struggling through speaking a foreign language, that often results in "sign language."   And yet we share the same heart for the girls.  We spent a couple of hours dreaming of what could be, may be for Casa Hogar.  Early on, Matt shared a vision with me for Los Pinos.  I half heartedly listened.  It wasn't until Easter weekend when we did our banana drop in Los Pinos that God stirred something in my heart for this underdeveloped community.  Today, out of the blue, Mother Claudia suggested something that we have been processing. It was directed right at us.  In fact, there was a pause and Matt and I just looked at each other in amazement......providence!

every now and then it's good to let it out

Well today made for an interesting one.  I woke up this morning and busied myself in the kitchen preparing chocolate cake for 30 inmates.  Our prison 
bible study invited our family in for lunch. We felt honoured knowing how difficult it is for them to afford such a gesture.  They went all out and made chicken ( feet included) with potatoes and rice.  At one point Mercedes needed to use their facilities.  I was apprehensive but they insisted on showing us the bathroom.  The toilet was next to the stove top burner.  I think I threw up a little in my mouth seeing where the food had been prepared.  Sometimes it is better NOT to know.  Since the area is very small and at times it feels like the walls are closing in, they set up tables  in the only open available area.  Directly over the sewage drain.  Sweet little Mercedes, leaned in and whispered, "mom, something smells funny".   I reminded her to be a little gracious and told her that not many 6 year olds get the opportunity to eat lunch in a prison in a developing country, so just go with it.  Needless to say the kids did their best at the meal and looked very happy when I pulled out the chocolate cake.  For one lady, I know our visit means the world to her as she has had no one come to see her.  She hugged me and told me she loved me.  The very first bible study morning I brought in soaps/shampoo and t-shirts.  This particular lady makes sure she has that t-shirt on every Tuesday.  So precious!

The kids needed some down time with mom, so we hung out at home and the boys worked on their school project while Matt and Jay went out shooting film in Los Pinos.   Just as they were finishing up interviewing a handful of girls, a mom with her five kids showed up at the gate.  The youngest, being four months but looking like a two month, was very dehydrated and needed medical care urgently.  Leaving the other four behind, the mom (along with a nun)  got a ride into town with Matt.  He drove them straight to the hospital.   Just a couple hours later we received a call from Mother Claudia, asking us to pick them up and return them to Casa Hogar.  Since Matt is constantly bombing back and forth, I offered to do the drive.  When I arrived at the hospital, only the nun holding the baby hopped in the truck.  She shut the truck door and left the mother standing on the street corner.  I felt confused and waited  for her.  The nun looked at me and said she can't look after her children.  Of course I knew where this was heading but I still had so many questions.  I had a very hard time driving away.  I can't imagine what the mom was feeling.  This particular situation is sadly far too common here.  The father left his wife and their 5 children and she had no more to give.  Not enough food or resources to provide for her children. Out of desperation, she landed at the gates of Casa Hogar for help.  I have been exposed to so many difficulties and seen a lot of poverty.  In some ways it becomes 'normal" to see kids picking through the garbage every morning, or an 80 year old woman hauling wood or water, or kids my daughters age selling candy in the streets to help make a living for their families.  I don't want to become de-sensitized and accept it but I guess I already have.  Some things I will never understand.  I sometimes am disconnected or maybe guard my emotions, because if I didn't I would be weeping all the time.  Every now and then it's good to let it out. Tonight in the truck, the tears streamed down my cheeks.  I felt such a sadness and emptiness for this mom.  I know that this decision probably was not an easy one and that it is in the children's best interest, but it I couldn't imagine the pain.

Okay, so lately I have been having writers block and so much has happened I can't catch up.  Here are some photos to catch up!

We hiked a volcano to find this at the top!

The kids working on homeschooling.

Thanks to Will Leone and other donors for your generosity in supplying new plates , bowls,  cups, cooking pots and knives.

Matt explaining the functionality of each knife.

Visiting Eddie's family for their daughter's first birthday.  Thank you Brian Pol for your generous donation of bears and  T-shirts. 

One Easter we will never forget.  Instead of an easter egg hunt, we delivered bunches of bananas to the village of Los Pinos and left a surprise with each one.

Kids came running with anything they could find to fill with bunches and bunches of bananas.

Thank you Lindy Menzies for all the knitted hats you brought.  They come in handy on all those chilly nights.

Great craft idea that Nicole Bilton planned!

Our newest Canadian friend ( Nicole) who came for a night and ended up staying the week with us.

Denied

It was like the feeling of waiting for a pregnancy test result.  Fearful, nervous and excited all at once.  We opened the long awaited package from the visa office with anticipation for good news.  I felt a little sick with mixed emotions as I watched Matt open the envelope and wait to  respond.  I knew already that the application was denied by the hesitation and look on his face.  I just couldn't  look at Fransesca and my eyes hit the floor and just stared.  I felt defeated, discouraged and questioned why over and over again.  I mean, I understand in some ways why but not the reason completely.  Was is just wishful thinking?  What are the chances?  I looked up and embraced a tear filled Fransesca in my arms.  I didn't know what to say other than we will keep trying.
We are learning more and more of Fransesca's life and it is so heart wrenching listening to her story unfold.  She broke down crying the other night just thinking about us leaving.  She said that she doesn't understand how her own family who live here in Jalapa don't take the time to see her and her sisters and yet a family from Canada has come to invest in the lives of these young girls.  She thanked me for our love.  I feel like it is never enough.  It is not only my love but the out pouring of God and what He has done in my life.  Trying to process the different emotions, has been very difficult lately for Matt and I.




It has been an emotionally hard  week for us as a family.  The start of it all was the dreaded early morning phone call.  The kind of call, when you miss,  it rings on again until someone answers.  My  thoughts immediately went  home to family.  I  wondered, did something happen, is everyone okay?  Instead it was one of our dear nuns from Casa Hogar, with the sad news of the new babies death.   A baby boy was born last Sunday weighing in at only 4lbs.  The mother was sent back to the orphanage with her baby and little knowledge of taking care of him.  I was eager to help.  Only three days later, the baby died of unknown causes. Early that Wednesday morning,  Matt drove deep into the mountains in search for the young girls' family as she wept beside him holding her dead baby.  Death robs lives at very young ages.  Just the other week I learned of an 8 month old baby who died of dehydration.  Poor drinking water leading to chronic diarrhea.  Many little graves line the fields in the cemetery in Jalapa and I can't imagine how many more up in the mountain communities.