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| This is what hospital visitation looks like. |
Everyday is such a learning curve. Sometimes I question things that just don't seem sensible and sometimes I just accept it and go with the flow. I found myself in a very large line that spilled onto the streets of Jalapa today. It was a line for visitation for the hospital. For some reason today I felt a little more stared down but thought nothing of it. After all, I am the tallest, whitest "gringo" in line. As the door finally opened, the crowd of people progressed forward, but not my line. I couldn't figure out why we were still standing in one spot. We only had one hour to enter the hospital for visiting rights so let's get a move on I thought. Besides, I didn't know which way was up in there and had a mission to find Rosa. I quickly realized that I was in the line of ALL men and they were allowing the women to enter first. I felt like an idiot as I scurried past all the "macho" men in their cowboy hats.
I almost cried when I saw Rosa. She looked like a deer caught in headlights. Almost like she was in shock. I was expecting her to be labouring still but found her in a ward room with other new moms. She looked tired and weak. I held her face in my hands and told her how proud I was of her to do this all on her own.
Rosa and her older sister were brought to our home because of incest. Her older sister already has a three year old. A perverse past that I can't even begin to imagine. A raping of her soul, self esteem, and identity as a teenager. And still no justice as the father has taken off with two other younger sisters.
Setting aside my anger at the situation, I embraced this tiny baby boy and whispered in his ears .."its not your fault,.... God made you perfect" I sat and just stared at the miracle of life before me as wails of a woman rang out across the hall. Her baby didn't make it. She sobbed for a child she wanted and couldn't take home.
My mother instincts quickly fell into play. The baby was caked in poop. I looked around for a diaper. We had prepared Rosa with a "overnight" bag filled with tiny clothes, diapers and wipes. While she had fallen asleep, someone stole her items and she had nothing to change him in. With only an hour and a lot to do, I ran down the a street to the pharmacy to buy diapers, wipes and lunch for Rosa. By the time I had cleaned up and changed the baby, Rosa had scarfed down her entire meal. She told me she didn't have any milk and almost looked defeated at the attempt to nurse. I explained that it will take a couple days and the importance of drinking lots of water and to keep trying. She allowed me to help the baby to her breast. I remember those first few hours, days and weeks of being a new mom and feeling totally freaked out. The fact that this tiny human was dependant on me for a source of food, comfort and love seemed overwhelming. I thought of how my own mom came to the rescue so many times and knew exactly how I felt. I stroked Rosa's head and brushed her messy hair up into a pony tail off her neck and washed her neck with a cool towel. And I prayed with her thanking God for the safe arrival of the most beautiful gift. A tiny precious life!
