It was never intended to be this way.

I studied biology in university and learned of how we have natural cycles of various sizes.  One example is oxygen and glucose entering the cell and activating a cyclical chemical reaction that produces carbon dioxide, which in turn is taken by plants to produce glucose and oxygen.  Or, how we consume food and eliminate the remainder which in turn returns to the earth to bring nutrient once again to grow more food.  These are just two of a slue of other natural cycles that exist, but they show how our understanding of life is: be what you are-> change into something else -> cycle back to the original.

To say that God didn't intend death to occur would be difficult for me to accept because He made so many beautiful systems and cycles to take care of all of what is needed to be recycled.  However, God did set us aside from all of His creation as something unique that could be in eternal relationship with Him.  We were given a special pass from the rest to become supernatural beings with a soul.  My brain rattles a bit around these questions: 'If we were built to live forever, were we even a living biological being or just a spirit in physical form?  Was God in the same form as Adam and Eve when walking in the Garden of the Eden?  Did this change once sin came in the world and we anchored our soul to a now mortal physical form?  Am I just a little nuts and only ponder about this after gluing my kids project together?'

Regardless of all of these thoughts, it is important to realize that we were made different and do live for eternity in a spiritual realm.  It is also important to note that sin separated us from God and that to have eternal life with Him only comes when we accept Him as our saviour and Lord over our lives.  Our experience with death is complicated.  As Christians we admit to an afterlife but do we believe in it?  And if you do believe in it,  how might you live differently knowing that this here is the short run?  Why is it so painful to experience the death of a loved one when you know they are in eternal paradise?

Shortly after the death of my Grandma Wilson we attended
a funeral of my friend's grandmother.  It was a good time to
mourn both their deaths as I wept in the graveyard of Jalapa
with the multitude of others that were equally pained with
the result that sin produces.

Personally I have experienced the death of both of my grandmothers while working here in Guatemala.  On both occasions I was relieved to know that my grandmothers were right with Christ and that they are blessed to be living an amazing life in glory.  However, this never lifted the burden of my sorrow that they are now separated from me.  Maybe I'm selfish, but I loved having my grandmothers here, learning about our family origins, and bonding with someone that really cared for me and my interests too.  I know I'm not unique with this feeling.  Even Jesus Himself cried in anger at the death of His friend.  I remember our pastor in Canada speaking that even though Jesus had the power to raise the dead He still wept because we were not intended to exist this way.  That when sin entered the world we created a divide between us and God.  Thankfully for Christ He bridged that gap for us and we can be in relationship with Him again.

I urge readers of this blog to seek out a relationship with God and carry out a life with Him.  If you need help in what to do next, please don't hesitate to message Mandy or myself, or contact a local church and get connected.  If hell is the complete separation of us from God, we unfortunately get a small taste of it when someone dies.  I know my grandmothers are in a better place.  I will continue to strive to live for Christ and someday I will get to see my grandparents and other loved ones that continue to follow Christ.  But until then, I am left with the reminder that sin isolates us and breaks up the original intended plan God had for our lives.

Not Understanding Your Impact

Over the last few years Mandy and I have had the awesome opportunity to share our journey and mission life with a variety of visitors.  These people walk away from Jalapa with a changed heart and perspective that they could not get through a TV screen, a mission conference, a conversation with us about Guatemala, or even a blog post.  We were created to be relational and to be the body of the church working together to solve the world's problems.  Without these visitors making contact here in Guatemala, it would take great faith and empathy to begin to sympathize with the issues and understand the struggle.  It is not to say that we don't care about the issues of others when we do not go directly to aid with their strife, however we can not be the most effective relational support from a distance.  Sharing burdens with others invites them into a more intimate relationship, exactly like God calls us to cast our burdens onto Him so we can be intimate in our relationship with Him.

In the past few months I have seen some men have the opportunity to blessing and carry the burden of others.  One gentleman came a few weeks back and he shared that he was quite well travelled based on his work as a pilot.  Landing in various parts of the world and staying for brief periods of time didn't always allow for a thorough look at what life entailed.  Despite the exposure to various landscapes and obvious differences in demographics from country to country, there was little opportunity to truly get connected with others.  During his trip to Shadow of His Wings Orphanage (show.org) he had the opportunity to share and sympathize in the life of the abused, neglected, abandoned and orphaned children and women of Monjas, Guatemala.  His kind and generous heart was broken from what he saw.  He had a difficult time articulating the change he felt, but I best believe he could have described it as God broke his heart to make room for a renewed one that was growing.  Did these people do anything special for him? In short, no.  They were just willing to share their life with someone.  Their impact on his life was huge and now he has made it a mission to seek sponsorship for the children at SOHWO.  Those kids don't know the impact that they make but they do make one for the glory of God by being in relationship with others.

Another person I would like to share about is a former neighbour of mine.  We were blessed to have him and his family to come and visit us this past summer.  He is well travelled visiting various countries in various stages of development and has been exposed to different cultural practices.  During his visit, he saw more of the business end of what I deal with in Jalapa.  In those few days he heard stories from others about theft, extortion, corruption, limited access to resources, limited financial gains, and other social complexities that limit construction and businesses.  For the most part,  I thought he took most of it in stride and was underwhelmed based on his travels.  However, upon return to Canada it became obvious to me that he wrestled hard with what he saw.  Despite seeing and talking to people in different factories around the world, he really hadn't experienced their personal lives outside of work or discussed business issues on a tiny scale like he had with my business partner Leonel.  Time and time when we met back in Canada he discussed the hardships people go through and that making gains in developing countries meets lots of opposition.  The impact of what he saw and becoming more  relational with the people of Guatemala,  pushed him to speak to others about the difficulties people have in the developing world and to think about what can be done to help.   Leonel sharing his life experiences to my old neighbour brought about change.  I'm sure if you were to ask Leonel if he was trying to create an impression,  his answer would would be the same as in the previous story.

Regardless of what our thoughts are about our lives and how we perceive whether we make an impact or not is somewhat irrelevant.  Being who God intended you to be and caring enough to share your life with others does make an impact.  Mandy and I feel at times stuck and not able to see the purpose but sometimes we are fortunate enough to get reminders that others are moved by the direction we have taken.  I encourage all readers to go out and connect with people and tell those who have inspired change in your life that they have moved you.  With that being said, I want to thank all of our readers, and responders to our blog.  Your comments and willingness to partake in our lives spurs us to carry on like a marathon runner limping towards the finish line whose spirits are lifted by the cheers of the supporters along the route.

The dark night closed in.  My body ached with every twist and turn to find comfort.  The intense aroma of my essential oils spilled out of my diffuser throughout my room, but I didn't even notice.  I couldn't breathe, I couldn't swallow, I couldn't move and now I couldn't sleep.  After all, this was day three in bed.  I noticed the emptiness beside me.  Usually the sound of the rise and fall of his chest is comforting, the warmth from his body close.  Only cold sheets, as I stretched my foot across the bed.  It was 1:30 am and I crept down the stair case.  A warm glow came from beneath the office door and I knew this was a late night project for him.  A project, a short commercial if you will, a promotional tool for an upcoming  'Orphan Sunday'.  The very thought of this was never God's design.  Why should children be abandoned, neglected and abused?  And over and over my mantra remains, ' God break my heart for that which breaks yours'.

Our journey of fostering has taught me more of the character of Christ.  To love unconditionally, to walk along side and invest in relationship even if it means I am at risk of being lied too and disrespected.  To give a out of a place with a return of no expectations.  To love and and not be loved at times.  Where did we go wrong?   We sat many times explaining the importance of a marriage, a Godly man that would love and respect the way Jesus intends.  An adult trapped in a child's body, our oldest of the four sisters is pregnant.  All eyes would be looking to see how we would handle this.  A life of abuse and orphan care,  transitioned into a family that sets standards and accountability.  That loves no matter what.  Because that is who we are .. family.

 If only she could see it.  Following the exact footsteps of family history.  The sin that entangles and chokes out anything that is pure.  Generation after generation. Proverbs 26:11 says ' As a dog returns to it's vomit, so a fool repeats his foolishness'  I can't tell you how many times I have returned to the sin that so easily entangles, but there is hope, and there is freedom, when we have it in Jesus.  He can break any stronghold and set any captive free.

I have learned that blood is thicker than water and the return to biological mom was what she wanted.  And we stay true to our word, and our love.  Just like the father received his son after he left for some time, God is always ready and waiting to embrace us when we are ready.  And we keep allowing our faith to be stretched and our hearts hurt.  Because He is love and we love him.

We stand in need of prayer and wisdom.  Join us, would you?

Miracles in Plain Sight

Bananas starting to emerge in our garden.

      I personally struggle in my faith walk as to why it seems all so magical in the bible. Why is it that the miracles Jesus performed and the amazing actions of God in the Old Testament are things I have never witnessed in my life?  Frustrations mount when I hold these expectations for God to answer my prayers in an instant, or desire to see the change through our work at Casa Hogar but things stay the same.  However, we could be, and more often than not are missing something that God wants us to see.
     When I was looking at our banana trees this morning it is amazing to witness the miracle of the provision of food starting to emerge from the central stalk.  My science mind boggles at the idea of how God designed a plant to absorb carbon dioxide, sunlight, water, and minerals from the soil to construct a beautiful shade baring plant that in turn provides food.  The complexity of the process is miraculous in itself but can often be ignored due to its common place in our life.

10 000+ bottles = miracle

     Recently a former student of mine carried out a task that surprised all of us in the community that knows him.  Not being the strongest in academics I think most of us would cast him off as being more of a follower under the guidance of someone with a stronger academic skill set.  However, he managed to prove that heart, belief, and faith are more powerful than the ability to get high marks.  His efforts and determination managed to collect enough beer and wine bottles to raise over $1000.  I can't imagine being a pre-teen and pulling off this through my own drives and to be selfless to give away that much money.  To miss the idea that he and many other stories like his of 'underdogs' coming through to prove that they are made more unique with skills that have been gifted to them would be denying the thought that miracles happen.


    Even thinking back to our first trip to Guatemala, my wife and I had debated for years about adopting.  I was a firm no, being happy with our three kids.  What I didn't realize is that when I was thirteen years old the first of my children was being born thousands of kilometres away and being cultivated to fit into my heart.  Francisca and her three sisters definitely are a part of our family and to experience a deep change in my heart when we met these girls is miraculous.

A complete family photo.

     What I firmly believe is that God requires us to see Him in all that we do and to be aware of the miracles that surround us.  How grand the miracle is more of a perception.  God is working and if we fail to see that we miss our opportunity to see God.

Can Missionaries Have Fun?

This is a question I struggled with leading up to and even being here.  I feel sometimes guilty that I have such a great opportunity to be here.  Not with having fun in our mission but outside of it.  It does come with its many struggles though.  I think God provides  fun times  as a gift to refresh us and keep us going.

At the visa office

My husband and boys just called me from the top of a volcano.....how cool is that?  I was planning on joining them but unfortunately we had no one to watch Mercedes.  The hike would have been too much for her.   We decided to have a girls day, so we sat on the roof top in the sun having "coffee" together and then did nails.  She is growing up so fast and I am taking in every minute of this time together.

This week has been interesting to say the least.  We have had some major break throughs, scares, frustrations and fun.  Matt had a major meeting with another organization and was able to make some significant contacts.  I will let him share that another day.  We drove to Guatemala city on our own for the first time and I have to say, I am VERY proud of Matt.  He did great.  Despite the failure of our GPS, we managed to find our way around.  Our purpose was to take Fransisca to apply for a visa and visit another missionary couple  to see what they were doing. We arrived in the city at 8 am and took Fransisca and Sister Wanita to Mc Donalds for breakfast.  They had never been before!  It amazes me how we take so much  for granted.  Another first for them was riding the escalator at the visa office.  It was actually quite hilarious watching Fransisca try to get on and off.

At the mall

After spending 4 hrs in what should have only taken at most 2, we walked a short two blocks over to the mall with the girls.  It was very beautifully decorated for christmas and I felt like a kid full of excitement walking in.   We took Fransisca in to buy a pair of jeans.  Can you imagine, being 21 years old and having the opportunity for the first time to go into a change room at a mall and try on different clothes?  It was a privilege for us to see such joy on her face.  We didn't realize the time and had only 20 mins to get the girls to a bus stop in a city that we didn't know.  It was some crazy driving, but we managed to find a street that the bus was passing and would stop to pick up the girls.

Bathrooms built by Mano con Mano

Girls waiting in line to their drinks

We made our way to visit Gerry and Barb Normand ( friends we met at C-TEN orientation in Texas back in June)  After a great sleep ( in a queen size bed...can you hear my excitement:), we accompanied Barb and Gerry to el Yalu, a village up in the mountains.  I brought my scissors to offer Barb and Gerry haircuts.  ( I usually bring them every where I go)  They were thrilled.  They asked if I would be interested in cutting some of the boys hair in the village.  I was thrilled.  Barb graciously lent me one of her guatemalan skirts so I wouldn't insult or offend by wearing my jeans.  I wonder what they thought of my red hair and piercing?  We spent some time taking a walking tour and learning about some of the history of the village.  As I walked through the village, my heart felt heavy and I could sense the  oppression.  We passed homes ( if you want to call  it that) with absolutely nothing.  Dirt floors and no furniture.  I can't imagine how these families stay warm at night.  There has been frost a few times already.  Most  of these families may only own one set of clothing and are lucky to have shoes.  The organization  Mano con Mano, started building bathrooms and stoves as a part of their mission.  We were invited to a ladies home to see her kitchen and new stove.  It was an honour.  We helped serve lunch as part of their feeding program.   Max handed out vitamins and Gabe served Atol. ( a corn based warm drink)  Matt helped with the homework club and him and Gabe sorted pre-natal vitamins.   The Normand's invited us to stay on an extra night so they could watch  our kids and give us a much needed break.  I was so happy I almost cried.  Matt and I have not had time alone since August.  God provided an opportunity and we accepted.  My high was sitting in a cafe sipping hot chocolate and listening to U2.
The next morning, we braved the drive back through Gautemala city and homeward bound.  On our way to the Walmart, we missed our turn and ended up heading down another highway.  We were driving along, looking to get off at the next exit, when a pick up truck from the oncoming lane jumped the curb and crossed three lanes of traffic.  We witnessed a crazy car chase and the police pulled out a gun and started shooting at the truck.  It was 10:30 am and people were walking the side walks.  Matt held back traffic and we got off the road as soon as we could.  It was crazy to see and is a reminder that anything can happen and we need prayer huge!  God is so good.  We were so lost and almost afraid to ask for help, but found a guy who let us follow him to the road that led us back to Walmart.  I was praying the whole way that this guy wasn't leading us to some dead end.

We got to Walmart and I am embarrassed to say that I have never in my life been so excited to walk into that store.  We picked up a few things that we cannot get in Jalapa. (relish, peanut butter, and gingerale)

I am thankful and know that God has us in His grip. Thank you for your continued pray and support.