It was never intended to be this way.

I studied biology in university and learned of how we have natural cycles of various sizes.  One example is oxygen and glucose entering the cell and activating a cyclical chemical reaction that produces carbon dioxide, which in turn is taken by plants to produce glucose and oxygen.  Or, how we consume food and eliminate the remainder which in turn returns to the earth to bring nutrient once again to grow more food.  These are just two of a slue of other natural cycles that exist, but they show how our understanding of life is: be what you are-> change into something else -> cycle back to the original.

To say that God didn't intend death to occur would be difficult for me to accept because He made so many beautiful systems and cycles to take care of all of what is needed to be recycled.  However, God did set us aside from all of His creation as something unique that could be in eternal relationship with Him.  We were given a special pass from the rest to become supernatural beings with a soul.  My brain rattles a bit around these questions: 'If we were built to live forever, were we even a living biological being or just a spirit in physical form?  Was God in the same form as Adam and Eve when walking in the Garden of the Eden?  Did this change once sin came in the world and we anchored our soul to a now mortal physical form?  Am I just a little nuts and only ponder about this after gluing my kids project together?'

Regardless of all of these thoughts, it is important to realize that we were made different and do live for eternity in a spiritual realm.  It is also important to note that sin separated us from God and that to have eternal life with Him only comes when we accept Him as our saviour and Lord over our lives.  Our experience with death is complicated.  As Christians we admit to an afterlife but do we believe in it?  And if you do believe in it,  how might you live differently knowing that this here is the short run?  Why is it so painful to experience the death of a loved one when you know they are in eternal paradise?

Shortly after the death of my Grandma Wilson we attended
a funeral of my friend's grandmother.  It was a good time to
mourn both their deaths as I wept in the graveyard of Jalapa
with the multitude of others that were equally pained with
the result that sin produces.

Personally I have experienced the death of both of my grandmothers while working here in Guatemala.  On both occasions I was relieved to know that my grandmothers were right with Christ and that they are blessed to be living an amazing life in glory.  However, this never lifted the burden of my sorrow that they are now separated from me.  Maybe I'm selfish, but I loved having my grandmothers here, learning about our family origins, and bonding with someone that really cared for me and my interests too.  I know I'm not unique with this feeling.  Even Jesus Himself cried in anger at the death of His friend.  I remember our pastor in Canada speaking that even though Jesus had the power to raise the dead He still wept because we were not intended to exist this way.  That when sin entered the world we created a divide between us and God.  Thankfully for Christ He bridged that gap for us and we can be in relationship with Him again.

I urge readers of this blog to seek out a relationship with God and carry out a life with Him.  If you need help in what to do next, please don't hesitate to message Mandy or myself, or contact a local church and get connected.  If hell is the complete separation of us from God, we unfortunately get a small taste of it when someone dies.  I know my grandmothers are in a better place.  I will continue to strive to live for Christ and someday I will get to see my grandparents and other loved ones that continue to follow Christ.  But until then, I am left with the reminder that sin isolates us and breaks up the original intended plan God had for our lives.

Not Understanding Your Impact

Over the last few years Mandy and I have had the awesome opportunity to share our journey and mission life with a variety of visitors.  These people walk away from Jalapa with a changed heart and perspective that they could not get through a TV screen, a mission conference, a conversation with us about Guatemala, or even a blog post.  We were created to be relational and to be the body of the church working together to solve the world's problems.  Without these visitors making contact here in Guatemala, it would take great faith and empathy to begin to sympathize with the issues and understand the struggle.  It is not to say that we don't care about the issues of others when we do not go directly to aid with their strife, however we can not be the most effective relational support from a distance.  Sharing burdens with others invites them into a more intimate relationship, exactly like God calls us to cast our burdens onto Him so we can be intimate in our relationship with Him.

In the past few months I have seen some men have the opportunity to blessing and carry the burden of others.  One gentleman came a few weeks back and he shared that he was quite well travelled based on his work as a pilot.  Landing in various parts of the world and staying for brief periods of time didn't always allow for a thorough look at what life entailed.  Despite the exposure to various landscapes and obvious differences in demographics from country to country, there was little opportunity to truly get connected with others.  During his trip to Shadow of His Wings Orphanage (show.org) he had the opportunity to share and sympathize in the life of the abused, neglected, abandoned and orphaned children and women of Monjas, Guatemala.  His kind and generous heart was broken from what he saw.  He had a difficult time articulating the change he felt, but I best believe he could have described it as God broke his heart to make room for a renewed one that was growing.  Did these people do anything special for him? In short, no.  They were just willing to share their life with someone.  Their impact on his life was huge and now he has made it a mission to seek sponsorship for the children at SOHWO.  Those kids don't know the impact that they make but they do make one for the glory of God by being in relationship with others.

Another person I would like to share about is a former neighbour of mine.  We were blessed to have him and his family to come and visit us this past summer.  He is well travelled visiting various countries in various stages of development and has been exposed to different cultural practices.  During his visit, he saw more of the business end of what I deal with in Jalapa.  In those few days he heard stories from others about theft, extortion, corruption, limited access to resources, limited financial gains, and other social complexities that limit construction and businesses.  For the most part,  I thought he took most of it in stride and was underwhelmed based on his travels.  However, upon return to Canada it became obvious to me that he wrestled hard with what he saw.  Despite seeing and talking to people in different factories around the world, he really hadn't experienced their personal lives outside of work or discussed business issues on a tiny scale like he had with my business partner Leonel.  Time and time when we met back in Canada he discussed the hardships people go through and that making gains in developing countries meets lots of opposition.  The impact of what he saw and becoming more  relational with the people of Guatemala,  pushed him to speak to others about the difficulties people have in the developing world and to think about what can be done to help.   Leonel sharing his life experiences to my old neighbour brought about change.  I'm sure if you were to ask Leonel if he was trying to create an impression,  his answer would would be the same as in the previous story.

Regardless of what our thoughts are about our lives and how we perceive whether we make an impact or not is somewhat irrelevant.  Being who God intended you to be and caring enough to share your life with others does make an impact.  Mandy and I feel at times stuck and not able to see the purpose but sometimes we are fortunate enough to get reminders that others are moved by the direction we have taken.  I encourage all readers to go out and connect with people and tell those who have inspired change in your life that they have moved you.  With that being said, I want to thank all of our readers, and responders to our blog.  Your comments and willingness to partake in our lives spurs us to carry on like a marathon runner limping towards the finish line whose spirits are lifted by the cheers of the supporters along the route.

The dark night closed in.  My body ached with every twist and turn to find comfort.  The intense aroma of my essential oils spilled out of my diffuser throughout my room, but I didn't even notice.  I couldn't breathe, I couldn't swallow, I couldn't move and now I couldn't sleep.  After all, this was day three in bed.  I noticed the emptiness beside me.  Usually the sound of the rise and fall of his chest is comforting, the warmth from his body close.  Only cold sheets, as I stretched my foot across the bed.  It was 1:30 am and I crept down the stair case.  A warm glow came from beneath the office door and I knew this was a late night project for him.  A project, a short commercial if you will, a promotional tool for an upcoming  'Orphan Sunday'.  The very thought of this was never God's design.  Why should children be abandoned, neglected and abused?  And over and over my mantra remains, ' God break my heart for that which breaks yours'.

Our journey of fostering has taught me more of the character of Christ.  To love unconditionally, to walk along side and invest in relationship even if it means I am at risk of being lied too and disrespected.  To give a out of a place with a return of no expectations.  To love and and not be loved at times.  Where did we go wrong?   We sat many times explaining the importance of a marriage, a Godly man that would love and respect the way Jesus intends.  An adult trapped in a child's body, our oldest of the four sisters is pregnant.  All eyes would be looking to see how we would handle this.  A life of abuse and orphan care,  transitioned into a family that sets standards and accountability.  That loves no matter what.  Because that is who we are .. family.

 If only she could see it.  Following the exact footsteps of family history.  The sin that entangles and chokes out anything that is pure.  Generation after generation. Proverbs 26:11 says ' As a dog returns to it's vomit, so a fool repeats his foolishness'  I can't tell you how many times I have returned to the sin that so easily entangles, but there is hope, and there is freedom, when we have it in Jesus.  He can break any stronghold and set any captive free.

I have learned that blood is thicker than water and the return to biological mom was what she wanted.  And we stay true to our word, and our love.  Just like the father received his son after he left for some time, God is always ready and waiting to embrace us when we are ready.  And we keep allowing our faith to be stretched and our hearts hurt.  Because He is love and we love him.

We stand in need of prayer and wisdom.  Join us, would you?

The Unpleasant Blessing of Understanding Christ

For those who follow our blog and journey within missions in Jalapa, know that there have been many trials.  I wouldn't deny the fact that we have been under spiritual attack since we started in November 2013.  Wave upon wave of attacks.  We have endured crushing blows that feel unbearable.   Although feeling at times like we were cast in a pit of despair   we have managed to climb out and learned how to take blows and press forward in the name of Jesus. 

Through each attack we have learned to lean on Christ and His community.  When times are tough we turn to people to pray for us and gain a better understanding of how to live through it.   Coming to God in utter dependency during these times has taught us humility that we can't always fix problems (not temptations - those we can handle) but that we need to leave that to Him. 

Satan really does have an impressive arsenal in which he lays his attacks.  He can twist people's perceptions so they can be the weapon for his war.  The damage that is doled out is so diabolical that not only does it hurt the victim but the attacker as well.  Furthermore, the damage dealt can transform the victim to be the attacker and for the attacker to become a bigger and better weapon to inflict more pain.  Like a virus, sin grows and infects its host.  Those who want to be a beacon for God's kingdom are a prime target.

Here in Guatemala we see the sin of 'survive at all cost'.  Many people here live difficult lives and really struggle to get by.  Theft of food, money, things, and even people to be trafficked or enslaved occur so a family can have enough resources to 'live a better life'.  Even when aid is given it isn't enough and they wait and demand for more.  Investing in some people here can be difficult because they have let this entitled attitude to fester in their soul.  These takers become frustrated when you don't dole out cash or food, because advice (spiritual, personal, relational or financial) carries little value.  Sometimes I feel that the expression, 'You can feed a man to fish and he will eat for a day, but if you teach him to fish he will eat for a lifetime.' should have included 'However some people just want to be fed and could care less to have a net or pole because there is plenty of fish in the sea and there are others willing to fish.' 
 
This is our latest battle that we are experiencing in the transition program.  It may be hard to believe that kids rescued from bad situations and raised in loving support would turn on those who helped them.  Unfortunately it is a common story and one that hurts a lot.  Through our past pains I have learned not to worry about it but to give it to God (Matthew 6: 25-34 - Thanks pastor Steve).  To find the blessing in the struggle is become more like Christ.  We can recognize the pain is of this world and its problems but the goodness of God's provision and strength is what gets us to our end game in glory.  Even though my hair is getting whiter by the second, my body is falling into fatigue, and my hands tremble from the stress of life, I can appreciate the thorn that is in my side (2 Corinthians 12: 5-10) because it forces me to be dependent on Him to fight the infection of sin. 

Wrapping Up

These past few weeks since we wrote last have been a roller coaster to say the least.  Moving out of our home of ten months in Jalapa, confronting our neighbour/cleaning lady about the theft of about $800 of items (more in particular the back up drive of our computers), saying goodbye to friends and business relationships, closing off projects, researching for future projects, and watching our family split and live apart for a short time to get our lives straightened in Guatemala and Canada.  However, the mission is far from over.

Working with Eddie
to fix up Casa Hogar

Working with the girls to build
community in Los Pinos.

What makes things difficult is seeing the emotional impact that has been made in through our service here.  Watching people like Eddie's family tear up when they think about us leaving  for the long term.  How the girls at Casa Hogar miss the contact of my kids and Mandy and appear heavy hearted.  Francisca (the oldest of our 'adopted' daughters) crying at the mention of the airport.  Seeing my children break into sobs as we pulled away from Casa Hogar for the last time as a complete family unit.

Max and his 'hermana' Darlin

Celebrating our cultures.

Transition is not always an easy thing.  I do look forward to coming back to Canada and live in my home culture close to family, friends and safe community.  There is satisfaction in the thought of working in an environment where I can express myself intelligently and have rich conversations with anybody that is willing to spend the time to do so. Not feeling condemned looks for my appearance, choice of faith practice or assumed wealth that I possess.  However, through this all my heart still burns for a group of people that need a beacon of hope in the name of God to walk with them.

Learning new skills
and having time to play.

Faith is strong here in Guatemala and admittedly our mission is not an evangelical one, but it is one of hope, love and trust.  Guatemalans have taught me to be more faithful in God because in many cases what else do you have other than your faith.  They also have taught me that community and relationship are critically important in getting by and making something of ourselves.
My prayer today is to continue to have strength in getting the message out about the needs in Guatemala and to have my community back in Canada walk patiently in faith that an impact can be made in serving the poor and neglected in the name of Christ. With a deep love to serve as Christ served, Amen.

Partnering with other missionaries
to help those in need.