funerals, graduations and baptisms

It's the unexpected call that comes from a loved one.  The one that stops you in your tracks, grief stricken, tear streaked face hanging low.  This is the second grandma my husband has lost in the last year.  It's no surprise, as age weathers a body and health fails over and over.  My immediate gut feeling..fly home husband, go be near family, bury your loved grandma and celebrate her life.  He hung his head and said no... not now.
His strength I admire, his fight is strong and his heart pure.  He laid awake all night the night before the news with other news of Lily.  Praying for wisdom and strength as the fight to adopt comes near an end.  The unexpected, the unknown all laying in His hands.  When God closes a door, somewhere there is a window.  And we keep walking the road ahead.


With all the stresses we faced last week, there was much reason to celebrate.  We had the honour of attending Irma's graduation ceremony.  My heart hurt when I quickly  learned her parents didn't even show up to support this accomplishment.  I know Irma struggled her way through but has now completed her high school diploma.  An accomplishment made by only 10%-20% of this country.  And not one of her family members came.  We had the privilege of walking the stage to honour her with a bouquet of flowers and a photo to remember the moment.  I didn't feel right being the one to walk that stage.  Without the financial support of two very kind people back in Canada, she wouldn't receive this diploma.  And to them, I say thank you.  Thank you for living beyond yourself and investing in the opportunity for a 21 yr old to gain her basic high school diploma.  Her accomplishment has improved her self confidence in a world where women aren't valued.  With this under her belt, she plans to work and potentially continue on studying further in business.

There are so many things we get to experience living here.  Some amazing, some just plain old tough.   Some days I experience a sense of loss, but God quickly reminds me of the many blessings He has for all of us if we just acknowledge Him. Whether its a beautiful sunrise, smile on the face of one of our kids from the project, my son telling me he loves me, or God gently stirring my heart in the early hours of a morning with a scripture.  He calls all things into being.  The earth is full of His glory.....even the rocks would cry out if we weren't made to worship our King.  He is full of mystery yet is relatable.  I thank Jesus for gracing the dust of this earth.   He understands our hearts because He suffered.  When we follow Him we step into His suffering and all of a sudden the bible stories aren't just images of animals and people on Sunday school felt boards.  They are relatable.   It's the place where real relationship grows.  God in me and I in Him.

I am not there, but  I celebrate the life change that is happening in one my dear friends' son. He made a choice to step out of comfort and seek his own path.  He choose to attend youth group, and just recently was baptized.  He still struggles.  Of course!  Just because we are baptized into new life with Him, doesn't  make us immune to sin and trials.  In fact it is to be expected.  When we choose to walk with God, the road is narrow.  It is the beginning to a beautiful story with a God full of love, compassion and grace.

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit."   Matthew 28:19

Dropping Nets

18 As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. 19 “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.” 20 At once they left their nets and followed him. (Matt 4:18-20)

This is a story of faith, hope and love.  A story to tell and share.  It is our story             of what God is doing in our lives.  

baby Susan at church with Matt

Five weeks ago, I sat alone on my empty bedroom floor, quietly with God.  It felt strangely foreign in the empty house.  The familiar smell of cookies in the oven, the pitter patter of feet up and down the stairs, and the sounds of laughter, somehow faded as the house emptied.  They are few of the many wonderful memories we had in our home.  Understanding obedience has often left me in wonder and anticipation.  I have struggled with fear, anxiety and sometimes doubt.  Reluctantly, I have had to let go of things and have learned to experience surrender on a new level.  It came with a fight and great turmoil.  I was reminded through that process that God has blessed us with so much and it is His to take.  Every now and then I have an instantaneous moment of panic, and I ask myself..."what the heck have we done?"  I have been avoiding sitting and writing for some time now.  The thought of trying to articulate and express my emotions is somewhat daunting.  I fear if I stop to write I might actually have to deal with some buried emotions. 

midnight feeding

I left a piece of my heart behind saying goodbye to family and friends.  The impact this has had on our kids thus far has been nothing shy of smooth.  I have had the most incredible heart to heart talks with our ten year old son in the last 8 months in preparation for this transition.  Out of all our kids, this by far has been the hardest on Gabe.  He has questioned faith and whether God really exists.  Of course as parents, we want to shelter our kids, protect them and avoid discomfort.  I have learned to let go and let God do only what He can do in Gabe's life.  I realized that his faith journey is not a result of what I do for him in his life. It is something he needs to grasp, something he needs to pursue and own one day.  I have had the privilege of seeing God work in Gabe's heart and every time he opens up, he melts my heart.  We have sat together and cried over the injustices we have been exposed to.  

medical team

Upon arriving, we had a medical team here from various cities across the states.  Max had the opportunity to head into the mountain village to help with the clinic.  David (our partner in Hands Of Mercy) meets with local Guatemalans beforehand,who know the communities in need to distribute numbers to the local village leaders who then pass the numbers on to the people in need. Max took patients blood pressure, seated them, and helped slit pills while connecting with the kids.  We are looking forward to another team of physician assistants coming the second week in December.  We also quickly reconnected with our four girls at Casa Hogar, Los Pinos.  It was a joy to be a part of Angelica's graduation last week.  As part of the ceremony, the parent has the honour of presenting the diploma.  She called her dad (Matt) up.  It was so incredible to be there in support for her. Currently, I am a full time care giver of a 2 and a 1/2 month old baby girl.  She is so precious!  Little Susan was brought to our safe house after being found in a box in the street.  I don't know her full story nor expect to, but I know one thing for sure; God has blessed us with her for now.  As I hold her tight and feed her in the night  I pray for her tiny life.  I know that God has something special in store for her.  I pray for the mom she may never know. I can't imagine what it meant for her to give up her child.  Somedays I feel like I want to be building things and getting my hands dirty instead of changing dirty diapers and night feedings. There is more of a sense of accomplishment in a project.  But God wants us to invest in people not buildings, and as messy and hard as it is at times, I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be.  

We are in the process of writing proposals and board meetings for Hands of Mercy.  We are hoping to purchase land to provide a place for the kids to grow up in foster home situations. We want to provide a more integrated approach with solar energy, farming, educational programs, and a medical clinic.  We are dreaming big!  

I have been reading  a section on boldness in Altar Ego ( Craig Groeschell) Just this past January I prayed boldly that God would speak into our lives, regarding His will and purpose for us.  I have learned that bold obedience often triggers opposition.  I have faced lots over the last few months.  There is a part of me that hesitates in asking boldly for God to provide because I know that opposition will follow.  But when we are in the centre of His perfect will for our lives, I believe that God will reveal His plan and that if we are willing to drop our nets and follow Him, our faith grows and we get to see His holy spirit at work!