every now and then it's good to let it out

Well today made for an interesting one.  I woke up this morning and busied myself in the kitchen preparing chocolate cake for 30 inmates.  Our prison 
bible study invited our family in for lunch. We felt honoured knowing how difficult it is for them to afford such a gesture.  They went all out and made chicken ( feet included) with potatoes and rice.  At one point Mercedes needed to use their facilities.  I was apprehensive but they insisted on showing us the bathroom.  The toilet was next to the stove top burner.  I think I threw up a little in my mouth seeing where the food had been prepared.  Sometimes it is better NOT to know.  Since the area is very small and at times it feels like the walls are closing in, they set up tables  in the only open available area.  Directly over the sewage drain.  Sweet little Mercedes, leaned in and whispered, "mom, something smells funny".   I reminded her to be a little gracious and told her that not many 6 year olds get the opportunity to eat lunch in a prison in a developing country, so just go with it.  Needless to say the kids did their best at the meal and looked very happy when I pulled out the chocolate cake.  For one lady, I know our visit means the world to her as she has had no one come to see her.  She hugged me and told me she loved me.  The very first bible study morning I brought in soaps/shampoo and t-shirts.  This particular lady makes sure she has that t-shirt on every Tuesday.  So precious!

The kids needed some down time with mom, so we hung out at home and the boys worked on their school project while Matt and Jay went out shooting film in Los Pinos.   Just as they were finishing up interviewing a handful of girls, a mom with her five kids showed up at the gate.  The youngest, being four months but looking like a two month, was very dehydrated and needed medical care urgently.  Leaving the other four behind, the mom (along with a nun)  got a ride into town with Matt.  He drove them straight to the hospital.   Just a couple hours later we received a call from Mother Claudia, asking us to pick them up and return them to Casa Hogar.  Since Matt is constantly bombing back and forth, I offered to do the drive.  When I arrived at the hospital, only the nun holding the baby hopped in the truck.  She shut the truck door and left the mother standing on the street corner.  I felt confused and waited  for her.  The nun looked at me and said she can't look after her children.  Of course I knew where this was heading but I still had so many questions.  I had a very hard time driving away.  I can't imagine what the mom was feeling.  This particular situation is sadly far too common here.  The father left his wife and their 5 children and she had no more to give.  Not enough food or resources to provide for her children. Out of desperation, she landed at the gates of Casa Hogar for help.  I have been exposed to so many difficulties and seen a lot of poverty.  In some ways it becomes 'normal" to see kids picking through the garbage every morning, or an 80 year old woman hauling wood or water, or kids my daughters age selling candy in the streets to help make a living for their families.  I don't want to become de-sensitized and accept it but I guess I already have.  Some things I will never understand.  I sometimes am disconnected or maybe guard my emotions, because if I didn't I would be weeping all the time.  Every now and then it's good to let it out. Tonight in the truck, the tears streamed down my cheeks.  I felt such a sadness and emptiness for this mom.  I know that this decision probably was not an easy one and that it is in the children's best interest, but it I couldn't imagine the pain.