Denied

It was like the feeling of waiting for a pregnancy test result.  Fearful, nervous and excited all at once.  We opened the long awaited package from the visa office with anticipation for good news.  I felt a little sick with mixed emotions as I watched Matt open the envelope and wait to  respond.  I knew already that the application was denied by the hesitation and look on his face.  I just couldn't  look at Fransesca and my eyes hit the floor and just stared.  I felt defeated, discouraged and questioned why over and over again.  I mean, I understand in some ways why but not the reason completely.  Was is just wishful thinking?  What are the chances?  I looked up and embraced a tear filled Fransesca in my arms.  I didn't know what to say other than we will keep trying.
We are learning more and more of Fransesca's life and it is so heart wrenching listening to her story unfold.  She broke down crying the other night just thinking about us leaving.  She said that she doesn't understand how her own family who live here in Jalapa don't take the time to see her and her sisters and yet a family from Canada has come to invest in the lives of these young girls.  She thanked me for our love.  I feel like it is never enough.  It is not only my love but the out pouring of God and what He has done in my life.  Trying to process the different emotions, has been very difficult lately for Matt and I.




It has been an emotionally hard  week for us as a family.  The start of it all was the dreaded early morning phone call.  The kind of call, when you miss,  it rings on again until someone answers.  My  thoughts immediately went  home to family.  I  wondered, did something happen, is everyone okay?  Instead it was one of our dear nuns from Casa Hogar, with the sad news of the new babies death.   A baby boy was born last Sunday weighing in at only 4lbs.  The mother was sent back to the orphanage with her baby and little knowledge of taking care of him.  I was eager to help.  Only three days later, the baby died of unknown causes. Early that Wednesday morning,  Matt drove deep into the mountains in search for the young girls' family as she wept beside him holding her dead baby.  Death robs lives at very young ages.  Just the other week I learned of an 8 month old baby who died of dehydration.  Poor drinking water leading to chronic diarrhea.  Many little graves line the fields in the cemetery in Jalapa and I can't imagine how many more up in the mountain communities.