The waiting is refining. It is a sharpening of my faith. My heart flutters and falls and I guard it so close. And even when it hurts I still praise Him. Not too long ago, I was listening to a sermon based off John 11. The story unfolds with the sickness of Lazarus, brother to Mary and Martha and dear friend to Jesus. The sisters were concerned for their dying brother and asked Jesus to come quickly. Time passed and Lazarus died. You can well imaging the state of the women. Anger, sorrow, rejection and the looming question of why? Jesus in all His glory, told the oceans to calm and they did at the command of His voice. Why then, did He let his friend die? Through the storms of life, can we honestly still praise Him? God wanted to show His glory. That no matter what comes our way, in it, through it and at the end of it, can we stand and still give Him all glory? That no matter what, we praise Him because HE never promises to be a a spotlight unto our path. He shows us little by little so we walk in faith. I feel that most of my christian life I have been walking around aimlessly honouring things and people. I found comfort in the things the world offered. I was blind. Asking God to do more than we can imagine takes courage. Something I am lacking these days. I fear that if I ask, He will require more. And last time I asked, I found myself packing up my life as I knew it to move to a developing country.
I didn't have to be shipwrecked to have faced my own storms. I didn't need to be locked in prison to know what is feels like to be trapped. It's hard to share when you don't know what the next day, week or month will bring. We have been waiting for answers for while. The adoption process has been staggering and draining. I constantly feel my family life is under a microscope. Going through short unexpected meetings and uncertain delays I feel like we are still making progress. I sat on my roof top one late November afternoon. I had it out with God. I was angry over the things that unfolded. I was frustrated and confused. I spent over two hours up there that night, while my amazing husband took on the food preparations for dinner. Matt knew I needed the space. More importantly HE knew and when we take the time to slow down and listen, God has so much to share. The dark clouds rolled away over the jagged mountain tops and there was the most beautiful sky painted in hues of warm red, yellow and orange. And to my left, just above some trees, a harvest moon that I could almost reach out and grab. God reminded me that when He calls, He also equips, when He leads, I need to follow, and that He gets all glory through every situation. No matter the outcome. No matter what.
We are still waiting. But I can honestly say glory to God because He is in all things.
I didn't have to be shipwrecked to have faced my own storms. I didn't need to be locked in prison to know what is feels like to be trapped. It's hard to share when you don't know what the next day, week or month will bring. We have been waiting for answers for while. The adoption process has been staggering and draining. I constantly feel my family life is under a microscope. Going through short unexpected meetings and uncertain delays I feel like we are still making progress. I sat on my roof top one late November afternoon. I had it out with God. I was angry over the things that unfolded. I was frustrated and confused. I spent over two hours up there that night, while my amazing husband took on the food preparations for dinner. Matt knew I needed the space. More importantly HE knew and when we take the time to slow down and listen, God has so much to share. The dark clouds rolled away over the jagged mountain tops and there was the most beautiful sky painted in hues of warm red, yellow and orange. And to my left, just above some trees, a harvest moon that I could almost reach out and grab. God reminded me that when He calls, He also equips, when He leads, I need to follow, and that He gets all glory through every situation. No matter the outcome. No matter what. 
I got all teary in the dentist office reading this. I feel for your situation and will pray for you guys!!
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